It seems as if i can’t let myself be completely happy. I recently began a relationship with someone and although i am happy, i still feel a tinge of guilt.
He is a sweet guy and i am honestly thrilled to have someone like him but his ex-girlfriend and i used to be friends. We were close in middle school but, as we grew older the space between us expanded. There was no tragic incident or dramatic downfall of our friendship we just started spending time with different people. She is a good person and i couldn’t honestly say anything bad about her because she has done nothing wrong.
When he asked me to be his girlfriend i could not find the strength in me to stop smiling… until I remembered her.
There is no clique battle between her and i, there is no battle.
She made it clear that she disproved of our relationship and I understand where she is coming from. Everyone keeps telling me how much she hates me and wants to “kick my ass.” Rather than getting angry and accepting the challenge as easily assumed due to past disputes, i’m not angry at all.
We have all been in her shoes, regardless of gender we have all felt like that, to a degree.
Seeing your ex with someone else is never a pleasant sight, especially not at first. I get why she is pissed. Every time i see her i feel a metaphoric slap of guilt. I’ve been hurt before and its a terrible feeling, i dont want to contribute to anyone else feeling hurt.. People call me a bitch on a regular basis, but in all honesty i don’t mean to hurt others… usually. I wouldn’t want someone to be hurt but i am very happy with him.
i dont want any drama between us, i dont want any war of worlds because the person i am dating. If she hates me, as hard as it may be, i might have to turn a blind eye to it. Not due to a lack of compassion, but to the happiness i have gained.
I see her and feel bad, but a few minutes later i’m holding his hand and I feel better than i have in months. The joy I gain while with him is something i wouldn’t easily give up. And why should I? Yes, you can say “always put friends first” but we weren’t as close anymore. Does said rule still apply after years of excommunication?
I feel bad but in this battle of guilt vs happiness… happiness wins. i feel compassion for her and understanding but i’m not giving him up. Call me a whore, call me a bitch, call me selfish, and anything else that comes to mind but this is how it is.
I didn’t mean to hurt anyone but i’m happy with him…. I am not begrudging on this particular incident or to this particular person. Nor do i wish for any further hostility.
is it bad to be happy even if it makes someone else hurt?
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