The Uncomfortable Change

I'm not really sure how to approach this. I'm not the type of girl who can easily stop and talk about feelings with many people. I may possibly be one of the most vocal people you'll will ever encounter, however, I'm just as timid as I am outspoken. I may talk fast and loud about ridiculous things but do you ever think I may do that on purpose? I talk a lot so people can't see right through me. It wouldn't be hard, if someone asked just the right question or caught me at the right time. I talk so nobody questions, I talk to avoid, I talk to hide. I share my thoughts outwardly but am greedy when it comes to sharing emotions.
Unfortunately, I can't even blog successfully until I get this off my chest. I love to swim freely in my own thoughts but I haven't been able to do that. This change has been weighing me down like an anchor. I've been trying to tread water with the anchor attached...... I can't do it....... I'm drowning. I know I need saved.... But it seems as though there's no lifeguard on duty.
I feel like there are millions of changes happening in front of my face but i'm helpless.
When I was little my dad was my hero.  He taught me how to do cartwheels, how to dig for fishin' worms, and the magic of the world around me. We have become progressively distant in the past few years. Any adult would say "oh that's normal, you being a teenager", but I don't know. Sometimes I catch myself so mad at him. At one point I wished he would go away.... I've gotten my wish. He will be moving to Texas within the next few weeks due to work. He didn't think it would be fair to move me my senior year of high school so he plans to move there and when i graduate, my mom and brother will move down with him. My oldest sister just moved out and my other older sister will be moving away for college this coming fall. I feel like as soon as I graduate i'll have no family left. Sure, i'll see them on breaks when i drive down to Texas but what about the random weekends I just want to see my mom? I'll feel too far away. I'm also unsure about spending all summer on the other side of the country from my friends.
Fun fact for today- I have one year until my lacrosse career is over......
My best friend, ( the one taking the girl who tried to hit me with her car to prom), still isn't talking to me. Years ago I wrote him a notes and this week he decided to take those notes and give to someone else to give back to me.... I cried.
This on top of finals and college preparations......... needless to say the anxiety has been striving.  

When family bonding becomes exclusive

You know what is fabulous about having a blog? You can rant about anything you want. I would like to fill this space online with how my day went... I woke up and was boppin around feeling pretty incredible. Looked in the mirror and said "dang! I wake up fabulous!" (untrue). Went to school and a girl said I looked like a walking mint in my black pants and green button down... Rude. ---skip to lunch--- (psycho going to prom with my best friend/ talking to her Ginger friend loudly to make sure I can hear) "I got my dress, we are Goin to look so cute together" (blah blah blah) she glances at me and says "I hear you two are fighting or something" I told her she was the reason he hasn't talked to me all week and that she won. Then I threw a banana at her and laughed... Ha! Another uncoordinated day in gym... Enough said. When I get home I decide (being 220 pages behind in a class book) to read and tan by the pool. After a half hour I notice everyone was gone... I looked around and called everyone but nothing. Everyone left and left their phones here and went to dinner and a movie without saying they were leaving , let alone inviting me!! When they came home my mom asked what I was doing for dinner and I said I wasnt aware that I was eating alone again tonight and I didnt know where anyone was. Then I got called a brat... That's cool. I was like hey thanks for inviting me to family fun night. I'm sure it was hard to see me out the giant windows all over the backside of the house. Can't see anything out those! I later got pulled into helping my sister pick out a prom dress tomorrow and was subjected to hearing the wonderful commentary from my parents about why I'm not going to prom... After, my best friend finally talked to me. He asked for his stuff back and Said I threw our friendship away. My only response for the day is suck my big toe... Thank you