Gotta Secret Can Ya' Keep it?

I'm not really an open book.
So I open up a little..... don't get used to it.

Sometimes my face is blank and the emotions are covered. Sometimes I smile and giggle, that's when the emotions are practically untraceable. As previously mentioned, I have a fortified barrier surrounding myself. A few individuals in the past have slipped through the diminutive cracks, but that certainly does not mean that those individuals are immune to the fight I put up.
Sometimes I cry.... You caught me! I'm human. I don't make a point to cry a lot, especially where people can see.  I'm a little afraid to let people catch me cry... My hypothesis' as to why include:
1.) Looking vulnerable in front of others.
2.) Pity being cast to me from others.
3.) People I don't even like/know asking me about why in the sole purpose of gossip.
As hard as I try, I still cry from time to time. Because I don't cry too easily, when I start it's often hard to stop. I let it all out. When i'm really upset the walls around me become jello-like.... the walls wobble and wobble, but its nothing a good spoon and empty tummy couldn't break. With a big enough spoon you could possibly break into my cage...but I doubt i'll exit the cage as easily as you entered.   You see me cry and you are a little relieved to see that I own a softer side... but don't be confused. You look at me like maybe i'm an angel underneath  innocent and sweet.... until the next day when again the mask is placed upon my face, and the emotional trace is covered.
If you see me crying and I let you in, don't think that the walls are gone. The walls may be my close friend for the rest of my life. Don't look at it as a sad thing either, because I don't... I'm comfortable this way.  Just because I let you in for a minute, does not mean I give you a residence pass. This blog is the closest thing to an EZ-pass available for my life. I'm not something you can just fix. I don't want to be fixed. I don't need to be fixed, and if I did... I wouldn't need you to fix me.
When you get past the wall i'm almost a different person, you can see me from a whole new perspective. But I assure you, as soon as the warm tears dry on my pink cheeks, you are removed from my safe zone....

I'm human. I'm comfortable this way.