I hate the suburbs. Truly. Subdivisions seem to be more
dreadful every single day. As I sit at my desk with my blog open, I try to
think of something to write about…. My thinking, however, is impossible due to
the obnoxious screeching of the little kids next door. Therefore, my writing is
but a bitter rant toward the multitude of reasons why I simply loathe the
suburbs. Loathe. WITH A FIREY PASSION. I feel like subdivisions are collections
of confused baboons trying to govern themselves, with their thumbs simultaneously
taking residence in their rectums.
WHY? Why are your children so annoying? I love children, I
teach Sunday school, but your children are horrible. The little girl next door
walks around, dramatically swinging her hips, and jerking her head, saying “O M
G LIKE SEERRRRIOUSSSLY MOVE OUT OF MY WAY.” Then, she runs over to the other
little scum sucker, Maggie, and they both just start screeching for the hell of
it. Shut up!! Then their brothers come over and steal my lacrosse goal from my
backyard to use for batting practice. Thanks guys, it’s not like that was
expensive or anything like that, please take way you want. Should I let you use
my sticks as bats too? MATTER OF FACT, why don’t you guys just hit the goal
with my sticks, that way we can make sure you really fuck it up. I love the
fact that they have put three holes in my net.
The glorious part about that is, while they steal my stuff
from my yard, their mom flips her cookies if I step foot in their yard. The bitch
should pee down her yard line, just to mark her territory. The moms are a
different story in themselves. They always gloat about how perfect their kids
are. Obviously they aren’t that smart! They play in the street all day! Back in
my day, if I were to play in the street, I would either die from oncoming
traffic, or by my mother’s hand.
Sorry, your kid is not perfect, they are actually really
annoying. I want a place in the country, where the only kids I’ll have to put
up with are my own.
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